Upon taking a quick glance over the beginnings of my blog, I have noticed that I post something that I am really feeling or thinking about, then I post something lighter so as not to bring the whole thing down. Heres the thing, I want to be much lighter and happier than I am, but I won't let myself. I am so hung up on how much I hate my job, I cannot allow myself to be happy. I let it dominate my life. I don't really like the person that I am now. I am feeling angry all of the time and I am acting much meaner than I really am.
I actually got mad at a co-worker today for getting flustered for having to stop at 2 red lights in a row. Why would that anger me? Why would I allow something like that, at 7:20 a.m. ruin the first few hours of my day? When I think about it now, it was kind of funny. He was just too uncomfortable to be in the car with me for much longer so he felt the need to say something and it was "AH! Gaw....damn....wha the.....gaw...." It made me mad because I was annoyed that I was going to have to be around him all day.
Another customer got my personal cell phone number last weekend and I yelled at her. She was broken down in Florida and I told her not to call me back on that number. (I later felt compelled to call and apologize to her which also made me mad). I got into a tiff with a customer in front of my boss. One of my employees was very rude to a customer and came in to tell me what she had done and all I could do was smile, laugh, and tell her that I wanted to hug her for it.
The customer service I do is more difficult than waiting tables. People have blamed me for ruining their vacations, their finances, their relationships, their jobs, and their day/week/life. I have let people be so mean to me and I have smiled and apologized for so long that I have stopped caring. Please, someone find me a job.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Showers
I have a love/hate relationship with showering. I love to stand in the shower. I don't like to do anything but stand there under the warm water. Once in a while I will turn to ensure that I do not catch a chill on one side of my body. That is all that I like about it.
I hate that I am always under some sort of time crunch. Either the water will turn cold or I have to get somewhere. Usually the latter as I try to shower before work whenever I am able to drag my miserable ass out of bed on time. The worst thing about the shower is that it ends and I have to get ready. As much as I would like to say "I don't care how I look", I do. I like looking good but not "high maintenance" and that probably takes more time than it would if I were able to just cake the makeup on my face. I hate drying my hair because I know how bad it is for it but how much worse it will look and feel if I don't dry it right away. I hate picking out something to wear. I hate getting dressed. I hate leaving the sauna that my bathroom becomes by the time I am done in the shower. These issues are not listed in any particular order.
I enjoy bathing. I like to lay in the tub and read a good book. I would like to get a bathtub that is a little smaller than the standard size. In the movies, women are always able to lay in the bathtub with bent knees and lounge comfortably. I am too short for this. I get into the bathtub and lock my knees with my toes bracing me against the other side so that I can keep my head up high enough to read a book. I can stand this position for about 5 minutes before I have to put the book down and sink into the water to give my legs a break. I think the appropriate solution to this problem is a hot tub because I think they have seats. Will anybody buy me a hot tub?
I hate that I am always under some sort of time crunch. Either the water will turn cold or I have to get somewhere. Usually the latter as I try to shower before work whenever I am able to drag my miserable ass out of bed on time. The worst thing about the shower is that it ends and I have to get ready. As much as I would like to say "I don't care how I look", I do. I like looking good but not "high maintenance" and that probably takes more time than it would if I were able to just cake the makeup on my face. I hate drying my hair because I know how bad it is for it but how much worse it will look and feel if I don't dry it right away. I hate picking out something to wear. I hate getting dressed. I hate leaving the sauna that my bathroom becomes by the time I am done in the shower. These issues are not listed in any particular order.
I enjoy bathing. I like to lay in the tub and read a good book. I would like to get a bathtub that is a little smaller than the standard size. In the movies, women are always able to lay in the bathtub with bent knees and lounge comfortably. I am too short for this. I get into the bathtub and lock my knees with my toes bracing me against the other side so that I can keep my head up high enough to read a book. I can stand this position for about 5 minutes before I have to put the book down and sink into the water to give my legs a break. I think the appropriate solution to this problem is a hot tub because I think they have seats. Will anybody buy me a hot tub?
Saturday, April 5, 2008
So, what have I been up to lately? Trying to resolve the discontent in my life (mainly, my job). I have been looking into different possibilities. The most immediate solution is a job within my company that will pay me as much as I was making before my "promotion". Other perks of this position include a company car which I do not have to pay for, about 10 hours a week less than I currently work, and (perhaps most importantly) LITTLE TO NO CUSTOMER INTERACTION. I am actually disappointed in how much I have come to hate the general public. I used to be excited to meet new and interesting people and now I hold all strangers in contempt until they can prove to me that they are worth my respect. While I assume this damage is permanent, it would be nice to wake up in the morning and be optimistic that I may not have to interact with any customers.
Solution number two is law school. This is something that I have wanted to do since I was in high school. After going to college and majoring in political science, I learned that my passion is for constitutional law. I love to argue the constitutionality of laws because, more often than not, both sides have valid points. I grew up in a family that loves to argue facts. We would routinely reach for the encyclopedias and various other reference books to back up our points at family gatherings. Winning an argument like this really gets down to who has done their research and who can be more persuasive. You argue for the pure satisfaction of winning. It is a competition and I am a competitive person. The problem here is that there is not a whole lot of opportunity in this field and it is not as lucrative as other areas of law. I would probably end up doing something like tax law that would bore me to death.
My third solution involves teaching. I was told at 12 years old that I was not allowed to help my sister with her homework anymore because my frustration with her made her cry. I feel that I have grown a lot since this time. My favorite part of my current job is training and developing my employees and they all still like me. I just don't know what subject to teach. I liked pretty much everything in school. I don't want to be an English teacher, there are too many of them in my circle so I assume there is enough of them in the area. I was good at all types of math in school and enjoyed it very much. I don't think I should be a math teacher because my math brain does not work the same as most people and I get frustrated. Social studies would be easiest for me to get into. As a poli-sci major I have all of the prerequisites for the subject and only need to be certified. However, I love science and understand it. I loved all of my science teachers in school and always had fun in class. Also, I think there is less competition here because it requires more specific education.
The key here is that I enjoy being the center of attention. I really believe that it comes down to either arguing a case or teaching. Both will require about the same amount of additional schooling. I am leaning toward the teacher thing right now. If I have learned anything from my current job, it is the importance of keeping a work-life balance. I currently have none. I think it is important to keep work at work and to be able to relax at home and forget about the pressures of the office. While my personality doesn't lend itself to this behavior, I think it will be easier if my cell phone isn't ringing at 10 p.m. because a customer cannot figure out how to unlock the steering wheel of a car. I am leaning toward the teaching. Less money but lots of time for being home with myself, husband, pets, kids, etc.
Solution number two is law school. This is something that I have wanted to do since I was in high school. After going to college and majoring in political science, I learned that my passion is for constitutional law. I love to argue the constitutionality of laws because, more often than not, both sides have valid points. I grew up in a family that loves to argue facts. We would routinely reach for the encyclopedias and various other reference books to back up our points at family gatherings. Winning an argument like this really gets down to who has done their research and who can be more persuasive. You argue for the pure satisfaction of winning. It is a competition and I am a competitive person. The problem here is that there is not a whole lot of opportunity in this field and it is not as lucrative as other areas of law. I would probably end up doing something like tax law that would bore me to death.
My third solution involves teaching. I was told at 12 years old that I was not allowed to help my sister with her homework anymore because my frustration with her made her cry. I feel that I have grown a lot since this time. My favorite part of my current job is training and developing my employees and they all still like me. I just don't know what subject to teach. I liked pretty much everything in school. I don't want to be an English teacher, there are too many of them in my circle so I assume there is enough of them in the area. I was good at all types of math in school and enjoyed it very much. I don't think I should be a math teacher because my math brain does not work the same as most people and I get frustrated. Social studies would be easiest for me to get into. As a poli-sci major I have all of the prerequisites for the subject and only need to be certified. However, I love science and understand it. I loved all of my science teachers in school and always had fun in class. Also, I think there is less competition here because it requires more specific education.
The key here is that I enjoy being the center of attention. I really believe that it comes down to either arguing a case or teaching. Both will require about the same amount of additional schooling. I am leaning toward the teacher thing right now. If I have learned anything from my current job, it is the importance of keeping a work-life balance. I currently have none. I think it is important to keep work at work and to be able to relax at home and forget about the pressures of the office. While my personality doesn't lend itself to this behavior, I think it will be easier if my cell phone isn't ringing at 10 p.m. because a customer cannot figure out how to unlock the steering wheel of a car. I am leaning toward the teaching. Less money but lots of time for being home with myself, husband, pets, kids, etc.
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