My first place

I lived away from home in college. Freshman year I had a girl living with me 1st semester and we were best friends, but she moved out. I got a new roommate 2nd semester but she was in a car accident so the only part of the room that she occupied was a small portion of the closet. (She was out for the semester healing and I only wore her clothes on a rare occasion). Sophomore year, a friend and I decided to live together but the fine folks at UB told us that the only room available for us to share was a quad so we lived with 2 other girls. One was pledging a sorority and she took it very seriously that she couldn't talk to us, even in the room alone. One listened to that Uncle Cracker song over and over and over. I fought with the girl I was friends with halfway through the year so we stopped talking. Junior and senior year I lived in on campus appartments with my own room and some roommates I liked and some I didn't.

The first place I had that I could call home after moving out of my Mom's house was a small one bedroom apartment on Richmond ave in Buffalo. I didn't like the teeny tiny kitchen, but aside from that it was good. Sure, there were centipedes EVERYWHERE and my upstairs neighbor threatened to call the cops anytime I had someone over. The steam heat whistled all night long in the winter and the door to the building wouldn't close in the summer. The fridge made all of my food taste and smell like freon and my bedroom ceiling collapsed on my bed (the only new piece of furnature I bought when I moved in), but the place was great.

I was in walking distance of any place I needed to go. Sunday mornings I would walk to the Lexington co-op (the real one, the one that was on Lexington) and buy a newspaper and milk in a glass bottle that I would return the next week. In the spring I would go for jogs all around the neighborhood to get in shape and look at the houses. In summer I would have given up on the running, but I would still go for walks and look at houses. I had no control of the heat, so in order to warm up in the winter I would plug in the iron and put on my bathrobe and iron myself. It sounds painful or weird but it feels great! I had a lot of depressing birthdays at that place, but the thing I remember most about them is friends coming over to be with me on porch that was no bigger than my bathroom is now.

The last fall that I lived there was the fall of the October surprise storm. I got home from work and fell asleep reading by candlelight. Dave came home with Burger King and we ate before huddling for warmth in bed. I got up the next morning to go to work and put on sweatpants under my work pants, a sweatshirt under my button down shirt, and walked out to get in my car and go to work. After I woke up Dave to get the tree off of my car and he made the *smart* decision that I should not be driving the saturn anywhere that day, we had breakfast on the coffee table. We had a can of sterno that we toasted marshmellows on and tried to boil water on to keep us warm. We then took his truck all around the neighborhood to see all of the fallen trees.

The place itself wasn't big or nice in any way, but I loved it because of the things I remember doing when I lived there. I wouldn't want it back, but I do miss it.

Who would play me in a movie?

Me, of course.

I have been told over the years that I look like a number of celebrities. Fortunately, none of them were Rosanne Barr. The most flattering: Christie Brinkley (I was 10), Elizabeth Shue (I was 16), and Tea Leoni (I was 23). I haven't been compared to any celebrities in a long time. I would like to say that I was able to look in the mirror and see exactly what these complimentary people saw, but I never did. True, I am blond and blue eyed, but I think it stops there.

Something to brag about

Meh....I am not feeling very braggy right now. Too much bad shit is going on around me for me to feel very awesome. A guy I work with just died, a girl I work with was just cheated on, another girl I work with just lost a parent, another is dealing with her sister who just had a stroke, and my boss was just demoted to my job. I tried thinking of things to boost my spirits. This post could have been a great opportunity for me to turn that frown upside down, but instead I keep thinking about things that I am good at that aren't necessarily good things.

For example, I am really good at pretending that I like my job. I don't like it at all. I am really good at making my employees think that I care about my job. I don't. I have a great defense mechinism that consists of being cold and harsh. I pretend that I am some tough cookie, but I am not. People think that I am really good at customer service which is great because it is my job, but I hate pretty much every customer that I come in contact with.

Actually, something good did come out of this. I just reinforced that my job is what is keeping me from being happy and being myself. Okay, lets try this again.

Something to brag about. What was I good at before my life was consumed by work? I am great at public speaking, acting, memorizing things, teaching, thinking, loving, laughing, empathizing, being objective, eating popcorn and singing. I should listen to myself more often.

What I am good at

I had a hard time coming up with something for this topic. I am pretty good at a lot of things, but nothing remarkable that would make for an interesting blog. I realized though that there is something that I do better than most. I forget a LOT of things.

I forget movies right after I see them, I forget where I put things, and if you ask me to remember something for you, there is a pretty good chance I won't. The key to being able to forget anything is to always be in a thought process of your own. For example, if we are getting ready to go somewhere and I see an empty box of vegetables on the counter, I will consider whether I have eaten enough vegetables and dairy that day which will lead me to wonder if ice cream counts as a dairy serving when it is so sweet but it might count because cats would eat it and I like cats although I will not likely own one because I like dogs better even though they bark like the ones that live next door but that may all be in how you raise them just like children are a product of their environment and will I be a good mom? This is only an abridged example of a possible thought process but you can see how if you ask me to get some toilet paper at the store while this is going on in my head, I might forget.

I do this pretty much all day every day, especially when I am tired, hungry, or full. The moral of the story is, be sure that I am paying attention if you ask me for something.

best re-meal ever

I enjoy food so much that I don't have a best ever meal. I, unlike others I know, do not associate food with good memories. The reason that I like food so much is not because it reminds me of great things, it is because it tastes good. I don't have a "one occasion" that I would redo to make great.

Instead, I will discuss the best foods ever. I thought that Kraft macaroni and cheese was one of the best foods until I ate it last night and it was so heavy I wanted to barf at 430 in the morning today. I like brownies but they give me heartburn. Nestle's chocolate chip cookie recipie really can't be beat. I like my mom's meatloaf but Dave doesn't like ground beaf so I don't get to enjoy it much. I also love popcorn in case I haven't discussed this yet.

It has taken me far too long do type this because I am drunk. I will retire and try harder tomorrow. Sorry fans, Amanda

Three biggest things

I am going to give this BufBloPoFo thing a shot this year. I didn't participate last year, but it did get me to begin this blog which I haven't been keeping up with as regularly as I would like. Maybe participating will give me the kick in the pants that I need in order to become a more regular blogger. Anyway, here we go....the three biggest things going on in my life in no particular order:

Getting in shape
Finding a career that I can be happy with
Managing finances

I have decided to get myself together this year. Up until I decided to focus on these things, I was happy with my life. I have a great boyfriend, a great dog, and great friends. I live in a nice apartment, I get along with my family, and I have steady income. I realized though, that by just floating along without any concrete goals, I am not really living for anything.

I have been wanting to get in shape for some time, but I have a better reason for it now. Previously, the reason for getting in shape had been to look and feel better. My reasons have changed. My grandmother passed away earlier this year, and watching the whole thing happen was scary. I remember her diet before the decline started. She ate twinkies, cookies, candy, jelly beans, gum drops, licorice, and anything else that was at least 80% sugar, nothing else. She didn't take care of herself and I believe that that is what caused her to slip in and out of reality so much. The thought of going crazy scares the shit out of me. So does the thought of dying before my kids are grown. I work with a girl who lost her brother at 40 due to a heart attack and her sister just had a stroke. Don't get me wrong, I still want to look good, but I also want to avoid the death and craziness for as long as possible.

If you have ever read my blog before then you know that my job satisfaction is usually non-existant. I have been dealing with it for several years and I could do it forever, I just don't really want to. I like the thought of teaching for a few reasons, it is the only part of my job that I like, I want to work when I have kids but I want to be home with them, and I really like the idea of summers off. I have been putting this off for a while, but I think I am ready to take the next step. I will be looking into what I need to do to become a teacher through UB's program.

Managing finances I still don't have a solution for. I have no money and a lot that I want to do. I want a house, I want to get married, I want a car, I want a kid, I want furniture that doesn't fall apart, and I want my credit cards paid off. All of these things take money that I don't have right now. I am slowly coming to realize that even though I can't do it now, patience will get me there. I will have all of these things someday. My financial management plan is this....wait.

Happy New Year

Last year ended on a strong note. Three Christmas celebrations, two weddings, and one day off. I got to spend time with people that I was missing, people that I didn't know that I was missing, and people that are close to me here. I ate too much good food and drank too many good drinks. Dave passed the BAR exam and I made some goals for the new year.

The old stand by, I am going to get fit. Sure, I want to lose a bunch of weight, wear a size 4 and turn heads, but more than that, I hate the way I feel right now. As I type, I am watching the Food network on which there is a pizza made of crust, hamburger, sausage, pepperoni, ham, bacon, and cheese. Why do you think we have an obesity problem in the United States? I haven't eaten a vegetable today aside from the shredded lettuce that came with my flautas at dinner.

I am in the market for a new hobby. I have nobody to pole dance with anymore because my classmate moved out of Buffalo and it just isn't fun alone since my hands are too sweaty to grip the pole anyway. I am interested in Kickboxing (expensive), running (it is winter in Buffalo and I hate the cold), and/or some kind of classes just to get my mind back into shape. I think that my brain is so used to doing the same thing all of the time that it has gotten as mushy as the rest of me. I am open to suggestions.